It had been 3 years since the last time I was home, and I had missed it while I was gone, but a world lost is a world gained I guess. Although my happiest times had happened here, the pain overshadowed those memories I had felt when I left, my family gone, and my dreams shattered, there had been nothing left for me here.
    "Hey! What are you doing here, this is private property," a feminine voice said, breaking the silence.
    "Just thinking back to better times," I said as I turned to face her.
    "James? I thought you said you were not coming back," she said with a look of surprise.
    "Hi hon," I said as I realized whom it was standing before me. Her name was Karen, she had moved into the house next to mine just before freshman year of high school, we had become good friends, my memories of her were among the fondest I had, and the most painful. She had been my only friend and when I left, all I left her was a letter telling her what I planned to do, wander the country in search of enlightenment.
    "I was naïve then, I thought I could stand against the world with out anyone to stand with me."
    "Well, you made it three years, why did you come back?"
    "I don’t know, I just got up one morning started walking, and found myself here."
    "Why did you leave? I needed you more then than I ever had before, and I wake up one morning to find that you’ve just decided to become a hobo…"
    "Wanderer."
    "…Whatever, anyway, your only reason was that you couldn’t take the pain, damnit, my family died then too."
    "Yeah, I know, I hadn’t realized that other people hurt, too."
    "Don’t you even feel bad about it?"
    "I did at first, but the road changes you, I don’t feel bad about anything anymore." I said, in the same monotonous voice that I used for everything, my time on the road killed my emotions.
    "I can’t believe you would act that way."
    "I do though, deal with it."
    "Fuck you." She said, turned away, and began to cry. For the first time since I years I began to feel sorry for what I had said to someone, but I didn’t realize it then, and I couldn’t deal with what I felt, so I turned and walked away, still showing no emotion.
    I began to realize then that I wasn’t alone in the world, and as I took to the road again, my mind began to slowly understand everything I had learned on my trip, and I started to regret the decisions I made. I walked for a few days before I decided I needed to go back.
    When I got back, I went to the places I spent my time in before I left. The park I got in the fight to protect Karen from that maniacal guy she was dating and the bus stop where we walked every day. Everywhere I looked, I remembered something about her. I then reached the place our homes had once stood, the charred remains had never been cleared away.
    I sat there for a few hours before she came back, by that time, I had thought over everything that had happened. I didn’t realize that she was sitting beside me until she put her arm on my shoulder.
    "You ok?" she asked.
    "Been better."
    "I’m sorry I said that, I didn’t mean it."
    "I should be sorry, I left you when you needed me because I didn’t want to bother with dealing with everything."
    "Don’t worry about it, I forgave you along time ago, I missed you while you were gone."
    "I missed you too, but you do know that I can’t stay."
    "Why not?"
    "Because, I can’t go back to living like I did before."
    "Why not? You did it before."
    "The road changed me, although I wasn’t as cold-hearted as I thought I was, when your wander, you learn more than you ever could staying in one place."
    "Well, I guess that would appeal to you, you always did want to know everything."
    "Yeah, I’m going to have to go soon, I need to get far enough tonight to find someplace to sleep before dawn."
    We spent the next few hours talking, and then I went on my way. Of all the days of my past, none haunt me as much as that one does. I still think about it, and why I didn’t stay, I haven’t decided yet, but I am beginning to see what was wrong. I know that I can’t go back, Karen died in a fire, ironically enough, about a year later. I didn’t find out for another 3 years. I go back sometimes and visit her grave, and remember the good times and the bad times. I realize every time that most of the good times where before I left, and the bad times are what will exist hereafter. If its true that a world lost is a world gained, I hope that this world I gained from losing the old one was worth it.