JOHNNY WANTS TO BE A GOOD CLOWN

by JASON YARBROUGH

Johnny was your typical boy who had no friends and spent all of his time playing by himself. He is 6’1" and weighs 110 pounds. He wears glasses that constantly fall down his nose. His long black hair covers his nasty greasy glasses. For some reason Johnny would always pick his nose, when asked what he was doing he said refer to the space monkey manual Vol. 9. This was like a bible to him and he never let it out of his site. If he forgot this book, he wouldn’t remember the status for how powerful the Tachyon Beam is on the Star Ship Enterprise.

What compelled Johnny to want to be a clown is that his grandpa was the only clown in the town until he got ran over by the Oscar Myer Weennie Mobile. This came as a big shock to him because he knew that he would have to take over the legacy. See, Johnny didn’t know if he wanted to be a clown because of the high insurance rates (given to clowns because of severe injures occurring at birthday parties).

Being a circus clown wouldn’t be too hard because he lives on a farm, so he is used to many different animals. He went for his first audition, which wouldn’t have bothered him if he didn’t step in that big pile of cow dung. The man that was interviewing Johnny was normal looking man. He had one eye and one and one half legs. His right arm was made out of wood and he sat on a elephant instead of a chair. "What is this guy’s problem, he looks like he should be slapped in the face and thrown off a bridge." Johnny thought.

"Well Johnny I think you’ll make the perfect candidate for are next clown, but you have to start off at the bottom and work your way up. Come back tomorrow at 9am to start training."

Johnny went home glad as he could be, until he fell on his knee. His mom yelled for him as if she was insane while Johnny sat there crying in pain.

"Wow Johnny you sure are a klutz, maybe you need some spanking on your butts", said his mom.

As training began the next day Johnny wondered about the chances of getting hurt. He remembered the horror stories his grandpa would tell him about people like Jack the Cripple, George of the Dungle, Pee Willie and so on.

Johnny wasn’t too afraid of what could happen as long as he could keep the legacy going. The boss approached him interrupting his thoughts, and said "Johnny we have only a few slots open and we really need a boy to pilot the cannon. All you really have to do is sit there and wait for the boom then you’ll be off… to a good start, trust me. Now go home there is no need to practice for this easy job."

Johnny thought "Man this guy is loosing out I will make money just setting there and shooting fireworks. I get paid ten dollars and hour and work twenty one hours a week, man I will be rich!" He thought about what he could buy with this money he would be earning, maybe some Pee Wee Herman tapes or even a Pink Rider Scooter with glitter on top.

Next morning Johnny woke up, he smelled like a wet pup. He went to the shower happy as can be, until he got stung by a big killer bee. Usually this wouldn’t bother him, but he remembered he was allergic to them. Johnny laid there on the floor, thinking if I don’t get to this job ill be poor.

He got in the shower with a swollen arm, and accidentally slipped on the soap and fell on it. His day hasn’t really gone that good if you haven’t noticed but hopefully it would be better at his new job. He couldn’t find his bike so he ran all they way there, out of breath he knew he was late so he looked at the boss and the boss gave him the thumbs up. So he felt a little relieved until a man waiting by his cannon told him to crawl in there and find his tree frog. Of course Johnny wasn’t that stupid he said, "Hey hey now I there isn’t tree frogs in this are you must have meant a toad."

"Ahem yeah yeah that’s what I meant, so please go get it", said the man. As Johnny went down in the pipe the man got ready to pull the rope and fire him away.

The crowd grew louder and louder to a high pitched roar when the light shined on the cannon, witch was orange with red dots and green squgily lines. Booooooooooooooooom!!!!!!!!!! Off goes Johnny he flew threw the tent, he was still looking for the frog, this kid has got to be the biggest jerk ever. I mean come on Johnny how stupid can you be looking for a frog in the